Spontaneous Confusion

So one of my old work bros hit me up and told me that he had a business idea he wanted to talk to me about. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gone, yet I did and that's what gives me all these amazing stories to tell. Do you want amazing stories to tell? Go meet up with any cunt who asks for your time, tell your friends about the ordeal, rinse and repeat.

So I met this guy in the city, and he took me to a God awful restaurant. The kind of joint 24 year old guys take 18 year old girls when they're tryna get busy. We ordered some food and some beers, and the guy says ok, tell me how I can help your company.

Huh?

Mate, I don't own this company, you can't help me with it. I'm just a guy in IT.

He says tell me a problem that you have at work, and we can work together to solve it. He then tells me that his focus is spontaneous collaboration.

SPONTANEOUS COLLABORATION.

That's two words thrown together in order to sound snappy and professional, however what it really means is this that he hasn't planned any of this, and he's trying to win me over to sell his business into my company with some kind of Jedi mind trick.

After fending that one off, he told me about how he has an anti-bullying campaign he's trying to get funding for, and he believes he can eradicate bullying, as it is basic human instinct to love and care for each other, as witnesses through centuries of war, conflict and extermination of fellow humans.

Finally, he suggested that I'm a funny guy, based on my previous statements made to him about my opinions on human nature, and that I should look into creating videos for Facebook or YouTube. He would help me with the ideation process, as well as the distribution or whatever the fuck it was, I'm assuming in exchange for a fee.

Then I lied to him about having a prior commitment to get some friends from the airport. A lie I'm sure he saw straight through. I told him he'd given me a lot to think about as well, which was also utter horse shit.

Then I caught the train home, and in the process called a bunch of friends and related the entire bizarre and surreal series of events to them in exchange for belly laughs and being questioned on "why the fuck do you put yourself in these situations?"

Why the fuck indeed.

Under questionable advice, I traversed Saturday morning through to Wednesday night without consuming any carbs. People bang on about this no carb shit like it's the best thing ever. It fuckin isn't. I've dropped 4kg in the last 5 days, but at the expense of feeling like a tired senile pensioner.

Tonight I gave in and mumbled at Erika until the words came out that I needed a pizza. 15 minutes later one appeared in my lap. I hardly remember eating it, but I'm sure it was delicious.

Other current highlights include:
- exciting projects at work
- new people who wanna drink on Thursday nights at the pub and talk about football
- gym membership
- impending holidays

I wouldn't say life is riveting at the moment, however it is quite stable, and steadily ramping up to that magical time of year where you can get drunk and tell your coworkers what's really good at the staff Christmas party. Look for me, I'll be the one pointing a finger and starting conversations with "I'll tell you what your problem is"

Travelling man

I used to think getting paid to get on a plane and fly off to another city was a luxury, providing a free holiday in an exciting new place.



This couldn't be further from the truth.

An early morning flight depriving me of any personal space, followed by 2 days and 1 night of being trapped alone in a city with no mates and nothing to do meant that getting on the plane to come home felt like a god-send of sorts.



The free dinner was nice though?